With a trivial flip, I can change the color of my belt from brown to black - and back again!

I didn't know they made reversible belts. But I have been their raving fan since picking one up at Ross Dress For Less, emporia to those craving fashionable discount camouflage.

Features like a fully reversible belt head are perhaps the only bridgeheads of appeal to your typical guy. The silk wearing and model-hiring segments of our economy are terra incognita and somewhat spooky to yer average male. How do people who seem to do nothing but dress well manage to make a living? I don’ get it.

But here’s their chance! Submit your bids for my wisdom while the bid’s open!

Outline follows: fashion needs more gadgets in order to blow open the “guy factor.”

Imagine the Kenneth Cole line of leisure shirts with a sewn-in highway distress kit. Pull a hidden seam, and people will be able to see you in a hurricane at midnight from half a mile away, thanks to fiber optics! I foresee socially acceptable ways to signal discontent at corporate meetings: “Oops, sorry, Mr. Smythe-Pembrooke; my hand slipped as I was reaching for my pen..”

Loafers with built-in tool kits are obvious and actually kind of derivative in a gimmicky Get Smart way… my money’s actually on the more pointless accoutrements. Ties, for instance.

You could base entire economic sectors on making ties useful, yessir.

Make one that contains one of those Mylar “space blankets” that manufacturers like to provide to keep idiots alive when they get lost on back roads. “Carol, don’t panic. I’ll just take off my tie.. (*fwoosh*) and you see, since it works by reflecting bodily radiation, it’ll keep ya warm all night long! Oh geez, I just have this *one tie…*”

The mind churns… more must be investigated… to be continued!